Ancient Powers Hetalia
by Sol 10101
Summary: What was life back in 4000 BCE? Did nations get along? Was there peace? Was everything normal? ANSWER: NO. Featuring the concept of dividing huge nations China into smaller parts. Rated T for Drug references, mild language.
1. The destiny of Four!

**Well. If you're wondering what happened to a few of the chapters, skip to the bottom. If you're new, read this. This is a Fanfic telling what happened in the world of Hetalia from 4000 B.C.E. to 750 B.C.E. Now of course it's not official of Canon, I'm writing this to clear my mind. So Please Review. Oh, and Upper Nile is Egypt, Jomon is Japan, Hebei is China, and Sumer is Iraq.**

Year: 4000 B.C.E.

The sun seemed endless, beating down endless waves of heat against the defenseless inhabitants of the world. In the distance, there were a few people moving, but they seemed to disappear in the horizon perhaps. The few crops that could be grown dried out instantly, and water seemed scarce. There seemed to be little hope in the horizon, but defying the rules of earth, was a small hut, sticking out in the middle of nowhere.

It seemed to challenge nature. The sunlight beat down on it with all the force nature could muster, but the hut remained. But the sunlight had no malice, but it was as if the sun warned the hut to return, as the pile of rubble it once was, before it was too late. What would be too late?

The small hut was packed like hell. It was burning, the heat unbearable. The hut was about an average modern day bathroom. But it as filled with bickering, and disputes, just as strong as those in the U.N.

"No, I want the Nile!" There was a loud bang.

"You're just choosing it cause it's close!"

"Well, I think-"

"Noone cares!" The four young nations, all unnamed, were arguing, once again.

Their little home in the Sahara had turned into a desolate wasteland of sand and heat. What once was beautiful grassland filled with herds of animals, was destroyed by human carelessness. What was survival for the four countries was slash and burn and destruction for the very force of earth.

"You people are so immature aru." A young boy with his black hair took it upon himself to stop the pointless bickering. "I am the oldest, allow me to divide it aru!" He took the map, and wrote the words CHINA all over it. Looking all to pleased with himself, he looked back at the others and happily said; "There, I take all."

"YOU CAN'T TAKE EVERYTHING! AND SINCE WHEN WAS YOUR NAME CHINA!" The third nation yelled out. He stood up, and immediately, his brown shaggy hair exploded from his crown. A third nation, a young girl, with long black hair nodded in agreement.

"Well, that's why I saved a little reservation here." The black ponytailed boy pointed to a small set of islands, with Reservation written on them.

"The fourth Nation, A quiet young boy who usually didn't interact with others, nodded. I agree with him."

"Quiet!" Sumeria yelled. "Girl! You have anything to say?"

She raised her head. "Well-"

"Okay, time's up! I, will decide. Girl!"

"Yes?"

"You get the Upper Nile!"

Upper Nile looked at the map with a confused look. "Isn't that the southern-" She was immediately interrupted.

"Ponytail dude!"

"Aru?"

"You get the yellow river."

"You better not make a name for my people based on my river name." Hebei knew his words were falling on deaf ears.

Upper Nile turned her head away from Hebei, smiling innocently.

"Quiet asian dude!"

The quiet asian nation turned his head up.

"Eh, I'm tired. You get those islands."

Jomon Nodded.

"I'll take the two rivers, twice as good!" Sumer yelled.

"Twice as much flooding." Upper Nile giggled.

Sumeria blushed. The turned his head away not to meet her head. "Let's go. Upper Nile, you go with me, Hebei goes with Jomon. Understand?"

Everyone looked content for the fact that their beginning had been handled by a loud boy who obviously knew nothing of the areas that he picked.

And suddenly, everyone quickly departed the small cramped hut. The future looked bleak, with the only reason to keep going on was that staying where they were seemed even bleaker.

**If you're wondering what happened to a few of the Chapters, it's that I've seriously edited a few of them. Although some of them seemed well written, the ones I ENJOYED writing, there were a few others, that I was forced to drag on, and even rolled my eyes reading over. And so I've removed a few chapters. Others, I've completely revamped. And a few, I just added a little more detail, like this one. Except the fact that I removed the entire ending. So be it. If you want to hate, go for it. I rarely take offense. **


	2. Epic China

**This is completely unrecognizable from the original...**

Every day, a new problem would pop up for Hebei. Wether it was floods, famines, barbarian raids, there had always been problems in the yellow river valley.

Hebei was walking through the southern bamboo forest, thinking about what he should do for the current famine. The barbarians had raided his village again, and burned down the granary once again, as usual.

The soil was very wet, so Hebei had to watch his step every now and then. He sighed. "Flooding season again."

His mind was boggled with thoughts. He wanted to go back to the Sahara, where he didn't have to deal with all these problems alone, where they had feasts, houses, where they burned down the Sahara, and got first degree burns, where they had gotten nearly every animal in Africa to chase them down…

Hebei shook his head. Maybe life here wasn't so bad.

Suddenly, he bumped into someone.

"Sorry!" he spurted out.

Suddenly, the girl turned, and Hebei found that she somewhat resembled him. Black hair, same eyes, and about the same height.

"Aru?"

China realized something, and the expression on his face turned. "Oh, you must be a part of China aru!" Hebei realized. "You can call me-"

"I know your name!" She said. Suddenly, a strange smile came to her face. "You Hebei, Little brother right?"

Hebei backed away, angry. "I am not your little brother, I am the-!"

"Little brother, you can call me Jiangsu!"

"I am not your little brother!" Hebei gritted his teeth in frustration. "Look, you are a part of China!"

"Let me guess little brother, you want us to unify so we can become stronger." She paused for thirty seconds.

Hebei's face was expressionless, she had completely read his mind. Jiangsu resumed talking.

"Listen, I am the elder, so I have to be in charge, but I don't have any experience of responsibility!" She stated. Something changed in her eyes. Her emotions were hard to read. "When I know what to do, I will tell you little brother." And she left, walking further down south, torwards her home.

Hebei was speechless, and started back north a few minutes later. But it was then, when he realized that if she was a sister, there had to be more relatives.

And in the distance, hope seemed to rise again.

_A few days later._

"Hey Hebei! More food!" A fat gray haired man yelled.

Ever since Hebei's encounter with Jiangsu, there had been a lot of people popping up, claiming to be relatives. But none of them looked related to him whatsoever.

"You are not relative, nor will you ever be!" Hebei yelled. He glared at him, to see him floating in a goldfish pool. "Ai-Ya! Get out of the goldfish pool aru!"

"What, it's pretty comfy in here!" And he took one of the goldfish, and ate it raw. "Mmm! Sushi!"

Hebei stared at him in horror. "I… am… not JOMON! Out aru!"

Suddenly, a girl appeared right behind him. "Hebei, I think I broke this ugly doll of yours." She held up a panda completely covered in paint and ink.

Hebei's face became tighter, trying to conceal anger.

"Ai-ya! You messed him up!"

"I-" She was immediately interrupted.

Suddenly, America entered the house. "Yo China! Ultra-sweet party bro!"

Hebei stared at him out of confusion. "You're not even in this time period!" he yelled.

America paused for a second, and suddenly disappeared.

Then all at once, everyone in the house needed Hebei for themselves.

"Hebei!"

"Hebei?

"Hebei!"

Suddenly, something in Hebei's mind snapped. He began a roaring rampage of revenge. "THAT IS IT ARU!" And suddenly, he punched through the clay wall with ease. "Ai! Ai! Ai!" He banged his head on the wall, crushing it.

"Run!" Someone cried.

Everyone left, except the fat man in the goldfish pool, who couldn't get out. He was too lazy to lift himself out."Er… someone help me out!"

"I WILL!" Hebei yelled, and he took his arm and launched him far off into space.

"NOT LIKE THIS!" Fatty yelled.

When the house instantly collapsed, he suddenly fainted.

**The fate of old chapters; 1- edited.**

**2- Will appear later. **

**3- Re written.**

**4- Minor edits.**

**5- Minor edits.**

**6- Minor edits.**

**7- Re written.**

**8- Minor edits.**

**9- Scrapped.**


	3. Moostache!

**I actually enjoyed writing this one so ther were just a few minor edits.**

_2999 BCE_

"Upper Nile."

"Yes Sumer?"

There was a long pause. The air was actually cold for the first time in Egypt, there was a first for anything.

"Will you… let me take you to dinner?" He asked.

Upper Nile blushed. She paused to think. Sumer studied her face, but ended up blushing. He looked unconfident, scared even. Then, just before she would answer, a midget jumped out the bushes and punched Sumer straight in the face.

"Screw you asshole, you're not dating my sister!" Kush shouted at him. Sumer tried to fight, Kush stood on sumer's body, and rested his foot on Sumer's neck.

Kush then pressed his foot hard. "IF YOU EVER ASK MY SISTER OUT AGAIN, I WILL KICK YOU IN THE KIDNEYS UNTIL YOU PEE BLOOD, THEN, I WILL DUMP YOUR CORPSE IN SOME BODY OF WATER, AND CALL IT THE RED SEA!" He yelled.

Sumer panicked. "Please don't hurt me! I'll do anything! Please, spare my upper body, but if you have to go there, please don't go for my head, I have a meeting with my brother on Saturday, and if you must go there please don't waste my hair, I spent my entire week's allowance buying milk for my delicious hair, please don-"

Kush threw Sumer into the air, then grabbed Upper Nile's arm, then took her away.

_At times, Mesopotamian kingdoms would try to conquer Egypt. But often they failed, due to Kushite technological advancements such as iron. Apparently, having a big hunk of steel helps after all. Suck it Hippies!_

_A few hours later, at Sumer's house._

"That damn Kush! Always screwing up my date plans. I want to create a new empire with her, but Kush just keeps me away! You're getting this Babylon?"

"Uh-huh." Babylon replied. Another day of listening to Sumer's problems. He wondered when he would finally just get a hobby, like gardening.

"I will get my revenge… just wait…"

"Uh-huh." He quickly removed a weed from his garden of his carefully imported roses.

"You even listening to me bro?"

Babylon was tending his gardens for the five hundredth straight year. Each plant had to be carefully tended, with delicate hands that could care for life. The delicate soul of the plant was literally in his hands, and too much force meant death.

"Uh-huh." He patted the soil, creating one hundred eighty even layers.

"I'll develop the ultimate weapon! Nothing will match it!"

"Uh-huh."

"Third territory of Sumer! Kush!"

"Uh-huh." He quickly

Sumeria stormed to his room. He was getting ready to brainstorm the next technological advancement.

_Meanwhile at Egypt's house…_

"What the hell were you doing?" Kush shouted at Egypt.

"Don't worry, he's a really sweet-"

"I don't care!" Kush interrupted. He then shook her head, while standing on the newly cleaned table.

Egypt was dizzy. She barely saw her little brother, just a few months younger. But he was three feet shorter, and his house was in better shape.

"If you EVER go near him again, I'll make you build another Pyramid!" Kush then stormed out the house.

_One day later._

"Hey! Nubia!" Sumer called. He had a confident look on his face.

"I TOLD you, I'm KUSH!" Kush yelled.

"Not anymore dude! You are now the territory of Nubia!"

"Don't call me that damn it!"

"I can, and I will! I have developed a secret weapon that will make you bow to my pure awesomeness, my super heavenliness, my epic-"

"Shut up!" He yelled.

A dark aura emanated from Mesopotamia. It smelled like old crusty bread. Then, an even darker aura came from him, coming from his pocket.

"I have spent the last few Years-"

"Hours?" Kush interrupted. He looked bored.

"-Developing a secret weapon that you are defenseless against!"

"Your stench?"

Sumeria pulled out a pile of glue and hairs.

"Moustache!" Sumer laughed.

Kush rolled his eyes. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Bah-ha-ha-ha!" You look so pathetic! With your hairy moustache!"

Kush looked at Sumer closer. A creepy smile appeared on his face. "You know, from here, it looks like you have a moustache."

"What!" Sumer was shocked. How could this great technology fail him? "Don't look! Mercy!" Sumer crawled up into a little ball and started crying.

Kush flipped him off and left.

_1939 AD _" Hey, North Iraq, Can i borrow some of this stuff?" Romano asked. He held out a box of stuff that said SUMER.

North Iraq turned around, and looked at the box. He paused for a minute, before being woken up.

"Hey, king, hurry it up, I don't have all damn day here!"

"Oh, yeah, sure."

"Yes!" Romano looked through all the stuff, from swords, to axes, to even a ticket to Gilgaland. Then, his eyes grew bigger, when he picked the very weapon of Romano's future. A dark smile appeared on his face. "That German potato eating bastard doesn't even stand a chance!"

**Tip: Ask someone what happened before using it.**


	4. How Beer was Sorta Invented

**Another review… So, I'll probably make these shorter to preserve quality. Please review even more! Your Criticism/Praise helps! **

_3990 BCE, Crete._

1000 years was a long time. She had been stuck on a small island with nothing but wine since 5000 BCE, life was lonely, but fun. Until she ran out of wine. Then all hell broke loose. Minoa began to wonder how she died of alcohol withdrawal yet.

She was the great Minoa. A relatively small island in the middle of hundreds of other small islands.

The days were excruciatingly long. Her small life was boring, having no one to talk to. There was the occasional resident, but they often got drunk and fainted in cargo ships headed for who knows where. The few people that stopped by, never stopped to talk, eat, or play.

Sometime, in 3000 BCE, she finally cracked and started drinking. A lot. So much, that she began to forget what year it was.

Then one day, she ran out of grapes. There was a mass panic on the islands, with her and a few other drunks that left, boarding a ship with Guatemala on it. Where that was, they had no idea.

Minoa declared maximum emergency status, which would have done something, if anyone else was on the island.

When the last person had left, she crawled into a corner and began sucking her wine stained robes.

One thousand years later, at 2900 BCE a small ship painted red came.

There were no dock workers, save one, who was sleeping, with a sign on him that said; DO NOT WAKE UP UNTIL WINE IS REPLENISHED.  
>The ship crashed into the docks, tearing down all the wood, but the worker did not stir.<p>

A young boy got out of the ship, and examined the damage he had done. The other son the ship asked to come, but he motioned for the others on the ship to stay put.

"What the hell happened here?" The trader wondered.

He explored the small island, walking throughout the wonderful scenery, examining Minoan art at it's finest. Then again, it had been 1000 years since she last updated the architecture so…

Phoenicia came to a small building, that ha the sign TOWN HALL on it. He entered, and saw a small girl cowering.

'T-t-t-t-t-t" She slurped her robes, licking them.

"Who are you?" Phoenicia asked.

"Wine! NEED ALCOHOL!" She cried out. She instantly grabbed The trader's shirt.

"How long have you been like this! This ain't healthy!"

"Graaaah…"

The trader paused to look at her. Perhaps she hadn't looked outside.

"Isn't grapes… like plants?" Phoenicia asked.

"Y-y-yeah…" Her knees were shivering rapidly.

"Don't they like… grow back?" He deducted.

"They haven't grown since 1000 years ago!"

The trader sighed. "I just traded all the grapes for a fresh supply of barley."

"Mix it."

"What?"

"Do it! NOW!" She had a crazed smile on her face, the smile that read insanity, and an Idea.

_One hour later._

Phoenicia tasted the strange drink he created. It tasted terribly bitter, but he gulped the drink down. Strangely, even though it tasted horribly bitter, he wanted more. He looked at Minoa, who drank it down in one gulp. Her reaction was instant.

"Oh, HELL YEAH!"

_And thus, Beer was created. And it was good._

_**I didn't scar this one!**  
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	5. Please don't be offended!

**This is taking forever... BTW, There are two Egypt's, The Upper Nile, based on a new design, and Lower Nile, based on the Original design. Oh, And Jiangsu is Genderbent China, AKA Shanghai.**

It was that time of the year to see Sumer's good friend, Indus. Wait, Sumer's ONLY friend.

Indus's house was a small house made of clay, and was a strange house. It was shaped differently, but, like the others, flooded often.

It took an a lot of time to get to each other, but after walking thousands of miles, they were within an arm's distance from each other. "Indus, what are you doing?" Sumeria asked.

"That weird Chinese girl made me make all these dolls and figurines! She's going to give me money if I complete at least 320 million!"

"What are you at bro?" Sumer asked. He then looked at what Indus had created. Millions of dolls and figurines lay on the ground, some colored brightly, some with giant teeth, some with square pants.

"I finally finished!" Indus exclaimed. He gave a look of pride to the air, for he had challenged the impossible and won.

Suddenly, Jiangsu appeared, in a giant explosion of smoke.

"Aru! You finished all of them!" she squealed.

"Who Are you and how the hell did you just appear right in front of my face!" Sumer yelled. He then began choking on the smoke, which fouled his throat and lungs.

She ignored him. Jiangsu looked at Indus.

"Sorry, but your competitor finished them faster! At double the speed!" she exclaimed.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Indus yelled.

She pointed at Jomon, who, despite all odds, everyone could see thousands of miles away.

Jomon had a near dead look on his face, and barely stumbled into his house.

"Ah! Too much work!" He yelled, and somehow, Indus could still hear from far away. He locked himself, and placed a sign near his window reading: DO NOT ENTER. RECOVERING FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS.

"Great," Indus retorted, "You made Jomon go into isolationist mode again."

"Bye-Bye!" She said, before throwing smoke to the ground. She disappeared in another blaze of smoke, and China's great legacy of air pollution had just began.

Sumeria choked even more.

"What will I do with all my works now!" Indus asked.

"Ak-ak-uh-ak" Sumeria choked.

"Great help you are." Indus glared at him, and went inside his house, while Sumer was still choking.

_The next day… (And yes, Sumer survived)_

Sumeria walked along the road. He wondered what Indus did with the figurines he had spent so much time making. Maybe he could buy a few off his hands.

Suddenly, He arrived at the small hut that was the Indus Valley Civilization. He opened the door. He was surprised to find Indus bowing to the figurines.

"What… are you doing?" Sumer asked.

"I had an enigma last night." Indus had a sick, crazy look on his face, with his mouth wide open.

"What?" Sumer asked again. This time, he backed away three steps.

"Don't you hear them? The gods?"

"…" There was a long pause.

"They ask you for your loyalty." Indus clarified.

"Uh…"

"The female gods ask you to take your shirt off."

Sumeria backed away from Indus. "WHOA Man! This is real life, not some perverted Yaoi fanfic! I'm out!" Sumer paused and then turned. "Wait, will they pay me?"

"Do you take Hindumon cards?"

"I'm out! I'm coming back when you make some new invention!" Sumer yelled.

"Wait! Sita wishes to please you!"

Mesopotamia ran. "Ahh! Run!"

Maybe he should come back in a few thousand years when things weren't so messed up.

Indus looked at his hands. "Well… Indra has blessed me with these hands… Behr-he-he-he…

The sun set. The valley began to flood again, but this time, with the wisdom bestowed upon him from his wonderful gods, he would be the master, instead of the victim of the waters.

_And thus, Hinduism was born. Don't worry. Indus will get professional help soon._

**Didn't mean to offend anyone here... don't worry, there's more satire to be found. I'm working on a character sheet for the middle east, but creating new characters takes time.**_  
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_PLEASE REVIEW!_


	6. God, we screwed up your spawning system!

**Sorry I couldn't update as i planned, creating this character sheet takes extremely long... Some ripped off humor, sigh… when can I get to the good years already…**

2930 BCE, Sumeria.

One of the City stated yelled out; "I think the mood is slightly unstable!"

"The mood is _Very _Unstable!" Another City state rebutted.

"Can't we just be friends?" Another City-state asked.

"Screw you!" The others yelled.

As you can see, the mood in Sumeria's house was very unstable.

_During the Ancient era, Sumeria was a collection of hostile and protective city-states. It was a rather unstable era. _

"I wish these dudes would stop fighting!" Sumeria complained. He looked at Babylon, who was once again, gardening. "Listen to me bro!"

But Babylon repied with a simple "Uh-huh." Just like always. He would keep doing that at regular 30-second intervals. Maybe if some new nations spawned up, he could get some sucker to talk to him.

"I'll burn their cities down, that's for sure. Yeah, that's what I'll do, those bastards…"

"Uh-huh."

"I'll invent something! Something that lets me see farther away! No…"

"Uh-huh."

"Some black powder that explodes!" He paused. "No…"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe even… something… that allows me to… record items… and use them as pictures! Only… instead of pictures, I'll use lines!"

"Aren't you getting off topic?"

"Right, right. I'll-OW!" He suddenly banged his foot against some hard, brown metal. Only it wasn't brown. It was something… something hard, something long, something that held true potential… "I have an idea!"

Sumeria ran into the crafting room, and lit a fire into a stove. He threw the metal in there, and left.

_One week later…_

He pulled something out, using a shovel, and saw something deformed. He frowned, but realized it had melted, and panicked. It fell into water, and began to instantly cool.

"Awesome."

He pulled the metal out, and there was a long, sharp spear.

"Lame."

He threw it back in, and took it back out, to see a battle axe.

"Boring."

He threw it in again, to pull out an Ak-47.

"What the heck?"

He threw it in again, and pulled it out again. His eyes were amazed as he pulled out the very epitome of bronze weaponry. He had pulled out the grandest of all weapons. Not as random as a bow, or as clumsy as a stone, but a more elegant weapon, for a more, civilized, bronze age.

Sumeria ran off to show Babylon.

"A coupon for Goofy Goober's?" Babylon asked, actually surprised.

"No, not the sticker on the sword, the freaking sword!"

"Oh. Cool Gardening tool."

"It's not a gardening tool!"

Babylon snatched it out of his hands. He tested it out on a few weeds, and they cut through them like butter. "Gardening tool." Babylon teased.

"I don't need you!" Sumeria took the weapon back. "Besides, you have to be very careful! Otherwise, you'll end up kil-" He put the sword behind him, with such force, he lost grip.

"Uh…" Babylon muttered. The sword flew straight. In the distance, a young man walked towards Babylon and Sumeria.

"YOU"RE GONNA GET HIT! YOU'RE GONN-"

The sword finally stopped, landing in Arabia's head.

"GAH! SORRY DUDE! DON'T KILL ME! I SURRENDER!" Sumeria gasped in horror.

Arabia smiled. He barely managed to get out; "D-d-don't w-worry. I respawn in a few throusand years…" Then, Arabia suddenly disappeared.

"You killed Arabia!" Babylon yelled.

"Eh, he said it was okay. " Sumeria shrugged, uncaring, now the fact that Arabia was dead.

"You are pathetic!"

"Eh, I'll do the same to the city-states. On-ho!"

Before Babylon could stop him, Sumeria dashed out the door.

_One day later…_

The city-states were still bickering.

"That's it! I'm ending this, now!" Sumeria yelled.

All the city-states turned.

" How?" One asked.

"Well, You wanna know? Cause, I've, like, got a Freaking sword!" Sumeria pulled it out of his sheath so hard, that it went flying.

Suddenly, a figure was in the distance.

"Good news everybody, God said I could come back sooner!" Arabia said.

Suddenly, the sword cleaved through his head like butter.

In a show of patience, he still didn't get mad. Arabia's spirit left his body. "Bye everyone again!" It called.

Suddenly, Arabia's spirit went up and up and up to the heavens, a sweet, white bliss. Angels welcomed him to heaven, while the choir sang.

Suddenly, the city-states all looked at Sumeria.

For Sumeria, there was one killer tactic left.

He rolled up into a ball, and begged not to be hit.

"Don't kill me! Please! I have a coupon for Goofy Goobers!" he screamed.

But the city-states ignored him, and continued bickering.

...Well, PLEASE REVIEW!


	7. Sumer and Indus, World Class Innovaters!

**I was in a slump. On what to do for the next few hundred years… I apologize. Please review, and I apologize for my terrible writing and inability to be pleased at anything I do. **

The Egypt siblings are tired. Building pyramids takes extreme effort not found in any other civilization. Oh, and Indus has some ideas in his weird messed up head, which he annoys everyone with. Also, as an extra, this chapter may have a small cameo or nor (Okay, it WILL, why would I type this up if there wasn't?)

_2820 BCE. Thebes, Egypt._

_Another hard day building pyramids. _

Upper Nile rested on the elegant block of marble she had carved for herself, which was covered with a golden sheet, embroidered with hieroglyphs and letters. She quietly sighed, finally resting her head on the hard, but warm surface.

"_Another 15,000 stones today..." _She quietly thought to herself_. "When will that damn pyramid be finished already! She shook her head, and tried to go to sleep. And where will I get those rare limestone bricks?" _

She tried to close her eyes, but the sun was still out, yet she couldn't move her feet and arms. Another three days of continuous work. It was a never ending task, after the first pyramid was built, another one would have to be constructed, always bigger.

She remembered her last meeting. She was once again, in a giant stone palace, and she was facing her own boss, titled dude, or Pharaoh in her language. _"Hello Upper N! I need you to build another pyramid for me M'kay!" The pharaoh ordered. _

_Her face morphed into a mixture of anger and… anger. "Like what the Hell! I just built two others just now!" She yelled._

"_Numbers?" suddenly, something came to his head. "What a good idea! Make my tomb way cooler, and build like a bunch of pyramids near my pyramid!"_

"_You've got to be kidding me!" _

"_And make those other pyramids small, while mine is really big! In fact… you should put the small pyramids right next to my pyramid to make mine look bigger. There should be an order in which they appear! Here's the order; big, medium, small, small, medium, small, small, small, small, small, medium, small, mine, small, medium, small…"_

Suddenly, real life knocked her from her daydream. Her older brother called her name, and suddenly, the door opened, and her brother, NOT Kush, but the Upper Nile walked in. He spent no time dawdling, and quietly said; "Indus is here to see you."

Lower N. painfully got up, and set foot on the ground. As she touched the cold hard ground, she felt like thousands of needles punctured her very feet.

"Tell him I'm… coming." She stated.

Upper Nile looked at her, and gave her a look of pity.

Soon, she managed to struggle to the door and open the door to meet Indus.

Indus's face glowed instantly. "Great it's Upper N! I discovered something I think all of you should know!"

"All of us?" She looked around, but found absolutely nothing. "But it's just me-"

"I discovered this great technological discovery!" He began jumping up and down, shaking the very ground. 

She rolled her eyes, but managed to smile."What is it?"

"Water moves down on sloped surfaces!"

She rolled her eyes, and quietly bubbled up her impatience.

"So cool right?" He asked.

"That's… great." She retorted. She kept her smile on her face, but it quietly wavered.

"That's so great!" He yelled, then suddenly, ran all the way back to the Indus.

"Listen, come back when you discover something useful!" She cheerfully shouted.

She suddenly slammed the door.

One day later, same time, outside the house.

She stumbled outside, lamenting how she would have to clean the floors again, due to all the blood stains. She sighed. "What have you discovered this time?"

"So cool! Everyone hear this! Round objects move down hill!"

She smiled again. "Listen."

"What?"

"I've got something to show you. You can come with me."

"Awesome!"

_A few minutes later._

"This is awesome! L.N.!" Indus was attached to a giant wood arrow. "What are you gonna shoot?"

Her eye twinkled. In the blink of a second, she launched Indus all the way to Mesopotamia. "See Ya sucker go tell everything to Sumer!" And then she waved to Indus.

"Whee!" Indus cheered as he soared through the sky.

Egyptians were skilled in archery, and this was reflected in everything; military focus, when they first adopted it, even their deities were at times portrayed as archers.

_A few days later. Ur, Sumer._

Sumer was once again in his room, bored out of his mind. He hadn't done anything for a while now, and his brother was on an expedition to the Caucuses for foreign soil. He was beginning to take that dig your way to China challenge seriously, but then Indus fell through his roof, landing on the stone table.

The table cracked into a million pieces, collapsing under the force of such a fall.

"Ack! How'd you do that?" He then stared up, looking at the giant hole in his roof.

"Listen, listen! Round objects move downhill!" Indus exclaimed.

Sumer quietly stared at him, and actually thought for his dear friend.

"_Hmm… round surface… round…" _he thought. He then looked up to the stone roof_. Stone. "Stone… Surface…" _Suddenly, the light bulb came on in his head.

During the Ancient era, Sumer became a center of technological advancements that revolutionalized the world, like the wheel, monarchy, Tupperware… sorry. And Harappa became a center of innovation, having baths, sewers, and complex irrigation systems . 

**Sorry for the hiatus and well… everything. Curse you essays…**


	8. Attempt to attack Egypt 1

**Tip to stay alive in warfare: Try not to get hit.**

Babylon carefully inspected each and every one of his soldiers, as they prepared to attack Egypt. He carefully examined each soldier, carefully eying every little detail, such as the sword, the armor, what type of material, etc. He nitpicked on every soldier, wether it was a small crack on their sword, or one hair curl.

After inspections, he went to check on his brother, Sumer, to see how he was doing.

Babylon stared in bewilderment at Sumer's army. They were all having a party, drinking and feasting rather than preparing.

Babylon navigated his way through the crowd and finally found Sumer, passed out on a couch. Babylon smacked Sumer's head a few times before he woke up.

Waking up, Sumer rubbed his eyes and yawned. "So, when are we attacking?"

Babylon's mouth gaped in awe at his brother's carelessness. He smacked his head and said "Get your men back into their regiments, and I'll give a speech."

After a long period of time where it took forever to organize the Sumerians and get the Babylonians into the room, Babylon went up to the podium and finally gave his speech to inspire the soldiers.

"Fellow soldiers! We, at the insistence of my brother's romantic desires, and my desires to get new soil for the glorious gardens of Babylon, will attack Egypt at dawn! Let it be that the glory of Mesopotamia has come, to usher in a new golden age!" The entire crowd listened in awe of Babylon's oral skills (Don't read into that). "Let it be known, that if any one soldier of the great city Babylonia dies, that they shall be granted entrance into heaven!" The entire army of Babylon cheered. Then someone from the Sumerian side raised their hand. "Yes, what is your question?"

The Sumerian stood up and asked "What about us?"

Babylon paused for a minute, trying to say something creative. Then, a Babylonian stood up and stated "Well, you guys probably had it coming." All Babylonians nodded in agreement.

All Sumerians stared at the Babylonian who uttered these daring words. Then, after a period of silence, everything broke out in violence, just as it always been. All hopes for an invasion were gone now.

_2600 BCE and Mesopotamia still lacks unity. _

_Later on…_

Sumer and Babylon were back inside their own house, fighting once more. Sumer took all the offense, while Babylon strapped a shield to his back and resumed planting gardens.

"You Babylonians are all douche wannabes!" Sumer angrily yelled. Sparks flied as Sumer kept smashing Babylon's shield. "I'm going to kill you for ruining our invasion!"

Babylon ignored this as he continued to garden, only slightly disappointed to not get the coveted Egyptian soil.

"You hear me! I will kill you!" Sumer yelled. But his words fell on sealed ears.

Suddenly, Indus, in his normal phase, passed by the house of Mesopotamia, and heard the loud arguing that took place inside. Curious, he got closer to the house.

Indus began watching Sumer fail at his attack on Babylon and Indus was entertained. He began laughing uncontrollably every time Sumer failed, and eventually was on the floor, with pure joy on his face.

_2600 BCE Mature (High) period of the Indus valley civilization begins._

**Please review.**


	9. Pandas VS Dragons, the epic debate

**I'm trying to expand on a chapter I wrote last week, but I can't find a way. And I'm not happy the way it is now.**

2550 BCE, China. (Hebei = China) (Jiangsu = Genderbent China)

There was the everyday tension in the air, as everyone presumed their everyday lives. _But since this is like 4000 years ago, and I have no idea how life went back then, I'll just get to the point. _Hebei and Jiangsu were arguing over something again. But unlike the unimportant stuff, like rations, defense, battle tactics, they were arguing over something that would change all of China.

"I say the national symbol should be Pandas-aru!" Hebei Argued. He then slammed his hand on the table in anger.

The entire town could hear the arguing.

It was a hot summer day. With nothing to do, Hebei had visited Jiangsu's house in order to discuss unification.

"I say Dragons-aru!" Jiangsu yelled. She then took some ink and threw it on a board of wood. The ink formed into a series of drawings. Jiangsu then arranged the drawings. "You see!" She then pointed to the drawings she had finished. On the left, was a Dragon breathing fire. On the right, was a Panda being roasted.

_On a side note, Pandas today, are an endangered species. _

"Ai ya! What the hell-aru!"

"Little brother's frustrated-aru!"

"I am the eldest!" In anger, he broke the left wall, and Hebei stormed out.

_Note, China, like Mesopotamia, lacked unity. On a happy note, Egypt wins the contest of being the first major civilization to unify, in 3000 BCE. But it wasn't until the 27__th__ century BCE that the Egyptian old kingdom began._

**A short one this time. Please review.**


	10. Stonehinged part 1 Rise of the Horde

_**Summer is coming... I'll probably have time to write. WARNING: Drug references.**_

_**2500 BCE, somewhere in Eurasia.**_

"It's… amazing." Atras was, of course, referring to the Stoneitron 9001. The young Barbarian wiped a tear from his cheek, gazing in awe at the beautful machine, the very pinnacle of Barbarian engineering.

"Yes, I know right?" Mako looked at his comrade with intense joy. Now they could destroy civilization once and for all. Those wretched Egyptians who dared to taunt them with their pyramids, those stupid Mesopotamians who… and those evil Harrapans with their stupid deities! Now was their one chance for revenge. "The Stoneitron 9001 is my greatest feat in Engineering!" He paused. "Well, except maybe the Shamwow."

The Stoneitron 9001 glistened in the sun, with her dull, monochrome colors, rough surface, jagged feel. Past memories of Mesopotamian spears, skies full of arrows all faded away. Now civilization was at the Horde's very mercy.

Atras turned to Mako. "So, how do we get high?"

Mako gaped at Atras. "You Idiot! This is a machine!"

"For getting high?"

Mako slapped Atras in the face. The sound echoed in the distance. "No you moron, this is a weapon to destroy Civilization once and for all!"

"Oh!"

"Yes, yes, you blubbering pothead."

Atras glistened with joy. "Tell me about the features!"

"Well, this seat is designed to provide as much comfort as possible-"

Atras interrupted. "It's made of stone!"

"As Possible! As I was saying, the Stoneitron 9000 is constructed of the finest stone in the world, cut exclusively at the customer's order-"

Atras looked at the seat more carefully. "Is that my mother's tombstone?"

"You're hallucinating!"

"You see, this machine is making me high!"

Mako snapped at him. "Shut up! Pay Attention!"

_Er… not to support drugs. This drug has been found in Central Asia since the third millennium BCE, when it wasn't illegal. This drug kills brain cells, as you can see with poor Atras here._

"Cool story bro."

Mako put his hand on his forehead to contain the headache that suddenly came to him. "Continuing on, the Stoneitron 9001 also has a torch on top of the seat, whenever you're on those pesky nighttime expeditions. Furthering the machine's revolutionary design, we have a stone stationed on the armrest for throwing, as a primary defense."

"Cool."

_**To clarify, the Stoneitron 9000 looks like a giant pile of rocks.**_

"To explain the throwing of the stone, it is simple. You simply put food in the chute behind the seat. There, the food will be burned by fire that needs to be set before you operate the machine. This will create energy, allowing the powering of gears and cranks, to regenerate the substances required for the repowering of the sul-"

"Just get to the point!"

"We have an arrow thrower, a rock thrower, a stick thrower, a water thrower, and a flame thrower. We also sell the flamethrower separately in stores. The kids love them!" Mako then smiled.

Atras then suddenly became even more enthusiastic, and got on the machine. "Let's roll!"

"All right! I'll meet you later! We'll met at the Caucuses!

And suddenly, the Stoneitron 9001 took off for Mesopotamia.

**New Characters, and I'm rewriting a few for clarification. I'm not good at designing looks. Imagine your own design until Hima releases new characters.**

**New Characters: Atras: A young Barbarian under Mako's tutelage. VERY BAD ROLE MODEL. Has a brotherly relationship with Mako. Bald, ragged clothing.**

**Mako: A self-made Barbarian with insane bosses. He often forms relationships with ancient civilizations, then suddenly leaves. Usually, it's not his fault. Always moving, along with Atras. Caucasian, long black hair, dirty ragged clothing.**

**Ancient Egypt (Upper Nile): The mother of the Egypt Siblings. ****She's located deep in the desert. ****She's generally nice, but she's competitive and a control freak. Her house is usually flooded, forcing her to become a master of housework. Eventually followed Ancient Rome, to another world. Don't spill in her home. DON'T. **

**Egypt (Lower Nile): The older brother of the Egypt Siblings. He lived in the Day-care center of Thebes, and eventually moved into the new city Arabia constructed for him, Cairo. He inherits the family friendly traits her mother had, but later became very quiet, unlike her mother. Has a trust/ hate relationship with the west. Looks like Hima's design.**

**Aegypt (New): The younger Sister of the Egypt Siblings. She tends to admire other people secretly, especially Greece, even constructing giant buildings during the time Macedon visited. She lives on the Mediterranean coast of Egypt. She inherits the competitive traits her mother had, but only talks with friends. Looks? Genderbend Egypt.**

**Babylon: The older brother of the Mesopotamian siblings. Has a Hate/Distrust relationship with his brother. Generally level headed, cool, calm. Disappeared after Rome, writing a note saying Sumer could finally move inside his home. Loves gardening. Olive skin, very short hair.**

**Sumeria (Iraq): The younger brother of the Mesopotamian siblings. Generally has a lot of Ambition, that his brother usually fulfills. Very headstrong, with some pretty sucky bosses. Fortunately, he's pretty good with money, and has a deep sense of art. Just look at Baghdad/Babylon before the twentieth century. Olive Skin, Shoulder length hair. Has two long hair curls stretching down to his back.**

**Nubia(Sudan): The younger brother of Ancient Egypt, he tries to keep her safe, he can't bear to lose relatives. Does the same thing with Kush. Does his best to make his house look like Ancient Egypt's house, to prevent her from being homesick, even if it means flooding his own house. He's loud rude, and aggressive to those who are not kin. He's short, bald, and usually covers himself and friends in clothing to conceal their identities so no one can recognize them. Brutally hates Babylon and Sumer, but eventually makes up with Sumer.**

**Kush(South Sudan): Nubia's son. After Ancient Egypt left, he and Nubia went on an exile. When he came back to Sudan, he never went outside again, until Nubia finally granted independence. Luke Nubia, but taller and with hair.**

**Continued next time**


	11. Stonehinged part 2: Gilgamesh

"_**I think that if ever a mortal heard the word of god it would be on a garden at the cool of day" F. Frankfort Moore.**_

**2499 BCE, Mesopotamia.**

Babylon was gardening once again. It had been part of his daily routine for a long time now, he gardened whenever he was alone with his brother, Sumer.

The days were lonely. There was no one to talk to but Sumer. He could talk to his bosses, but he hadn't met the new Emperor yet. What was his name? Babylon began to think to himself. He hadn't even seen him yet, but he remembered the crowds cheering his name. Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh. What an embarrassing name. To Sumer, he admired the name, but to Babylon, it sounded like a name on some strange star play or book or something.

Babylon ripped out another weed, and he wiped his forehead. He then took a break, laying on the ground. He could talk to his citizens, but they all acted exactly like him. Besides, he had already met everyone in about 1500 years. He remembered that weird Asian trader who ripped him off on a smoke ball that didn't even work. Babylon sighed. Good times.

In the distance, an explosion rocked the sky, shattering the silence he once knew. Babylon quickly rose to his feet, and looked outside.A huge clump of rocks then dominated the countryside, crushing all those in its path.

He looked closer. There was a man, enclosed inside the pile, on a remarkably comfy seat for ancient times. He looked closer. Babylon then figured out two things. One, he needed glasses. Two, a Barbarian invasion was happening.

Sumer then ran into Babylon's garden. He panted heavily. "T-t-t-"

Babylon calmly stood up. "I know." He quietly said.

The huge stone clump crushed a small house in the countryside, sending its inhabitants outside. The man who had survived let out a scream that reached China. "MY CABBAGES!"

Sumer looked in horror. The pile of rocks seemed even closer now. He said bluntly, "We're doomed." He then fainted onto the stone hard floor.

Babylon rolled his eyes at his brother, but then he turned and screamed as the rocks broke through his wall, the window he knew replaced with an ugly clump of rocks.

Suddenly, his ears popped.

**Sorry, I'm doing characters next time. Please review.**


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